I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize