i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just forgot I was standing up.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
