I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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