Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
