You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
