My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Randomize
