was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
