I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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