A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
