Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
