whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
