wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
