yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
