can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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