are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
