it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
