just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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