Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
