...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
