there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
