I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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