I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
handjob tips. give me some.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
