i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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