So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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