Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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