Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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