just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
