dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
