we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Randomize