saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You've changed since you got that strap on
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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