I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
