Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
How does it feel to date your dad?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
