I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
