Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
