She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
