hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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