I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
