You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
