No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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