he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
