Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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