so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
if only i could text you this smell
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
