sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
