If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
