I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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