like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
