I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
