so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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