oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
