i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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