So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
