Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
