I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
