My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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