why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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