Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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