she kept yelling 'call me bella'
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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