The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
