dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
