woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
