Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
