i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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