No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
