put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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