hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
