I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
