how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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