Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
