I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
