Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
