Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
