I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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