He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
